The Covert Abuser: Playing the Victim as a…

One of the most common tactics of a covert, self-focused abuser is that of playing the victim. After all, it gets him a lot of mileage. In the early, “love-bombing” stage of a partnership, claiming to be the victim in a past relationship plays the dual role of creating a bond of empathy within the target while at the same time allowing him to appear sensitive and caring. The target often feels as if she can make up for his past by finally being the one to love him as he deserves. She longs to be the partner he always dreamed about. She also feels as if she’s found a treasure—after all, a man who’s sensitive and caring must also be trustworthy. He’s showing his vulnerability, and so soon in the relationship …

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